Getting the monkey off your back

Take a moment, in a quiet spot, and close your eyes. Visualize a scene from the past that gave you a sense of peace or relief from daily anxiety. For me, it's hiking the trail up lofty Ben Nevis in Scotland with my wife several years ago. I can still see the narrow trail's steep ascent, slate gray limestone fences dividing a retreating green tapestry below, snow-flaked with sheep; hear a babbling brook; feel the day's exhilarating coolness. I find again the shepherd psalmist's quiet waters and renewal.

Such moments are rarer now for many of us, given the frenetic pace of modern life with its myriad stresses. The poet Auden knew this when he famously dubbed our era "the age of anxiety." We pop our pills, vegetate before our TVs, seeking relief from deadlines to meet or places to go.

It isn't really cancer, heart disease or the like that are killing us. It's stress, and much of our morbidity is its result. We eat more, worry more, hurry more. Twenty percent of us suffer from acute anxiety disorder requiring professional intervention, while our media proclaims daily the social violence of those who "just can't take it anymore."

Here are some suggestions that have helped me and may help you ease up and enjoy your life more fully, ways of coping that may even help you live longer:

1. Change your reactions: A lot of our stress derives not from what happens, but how we respond. We can choose to adapt like that Robert Frost birch bending with the wind, rather than arching its boughs, or remain brittle like a Bradford pear, its limbs severed by the storm. Substitute a positive alternative for a negative one. What we think fosters our emotions, and emotions often generate our distress. Instead of dwelling on how awful the economy is, think of how it's likely to ultimately get better. It's not "that sob, he cut me off"! Instead, drivers can be rude, but most aren't. It's not, "What's going to happen?, but "Let's take it just one day at a time.

2. Get a hobby: Like birds, learn to identify them. Fond of the outdoors, join a hiking group. Enjoy games? Try contact bridge. Cooking? Attempt new recipes. Want something new? How about learning another language?

3. Take-up meditation: Clearing the mind's clutter goes back several thousand years.
It endures because it works. Don't know how? Check your local resources. They're abundant now. Stress reduces the brain's white matter (the wired area of the consisting largely of nerve fibers). The good news is that according to a published report in the Proceedings of the National Academy, just 30 minutes of meditation over a two week period showed measurable changes in the white matter, indicating that meditation facilitates healthy brain function.

4. Try biofeedback: Many find the device Resperate useful for teaching them precise breath control that produces a relaxation effect. Dividend, it reduces blood pressure. Resperate gets a thumbs up from a number of leading medical resources, including Mayo Clinic.

5. Say no! You've only so much time in a day. Take time for yourself. Give yourself a special treat each week. Go for that dessert! See that movie! If you can, set one day aside for yourself.

6. Read! This means shutting off that TV. Television, mostly a mind-numbing activity, doesn't generally relieve our stress. It may even add to it. Reading expands the mind and relaxes at the same time. At bedtime, it can help you get a good night's sleep.

7. Blog! I can speak first hand about what it does for me. When I'm writing, it seems I've hurled my anxieties into the deepest sea. Writing not only opens a window on the world, it brings me into touch with myself, clarifies and cleanses, while providing perspective.

8. Drink green tea:. It works because of its i-theanine content, which you can also find in pill supplements at your local health stores or at Whole Foods. Drink it several times daily, especially when you feel uptight. Taking about 30-minutes to kick-in, it's super just before bedtime and will help you sleep like a rock.

8. Exercise: Nothing really new about this life essential, along with good nutrition, for promoting health. But exercise also relieves stress. The trick is to schedule it into your day. The preferred form should be aerobic, and the cardinal rule remains 5-days a week, 30 minutes minimal.

9. Tablets: I 'm not thinking pills here, but of those popular devices such as the iPad. I've become fond of the mind-stretching game apps in particular like Sudoku. Talk about time out, diversion comes easily with a tablet. It doesn't have to be confined to games. Tablets provide apps for virtually any interest. How far away troubles seem when you find a riveting app.

10. Turn on the music! Shakespeare rightly said, "Music hath charms to soothe the savage beast." Obviously, it works, or it wouldn't be so popular. To promote relaxation, however, stay away from the frenzied kind. I like classical Indian music for this purpose. You might also find Enya very soothing. She works for me. Sometimes I just go for the sounds of nature: waves washing up on the shore, a murmuring brook, birds in early morning revelry, the soft pitter-patter of falling rain, etc.

Yes, you can get that monkey, stress, off your back, and in doing so, wake with joy each morning, eager to seize the day.

Be well,

rj

Lately, I've taken a strong interest in....

Lately I've taken a strong interest in meditation to escape stress and feel more relaxed.  From the medical sources I've read, I'm convinced it has a lot going for it. If you're depressed or anxiety prone, meditation may be more helpful than Zoloft or Valium and the like. In his book, When Panic Strikes, noted psychiatrist David Burns, argues that the new research isn't gung-ho anymore on the assumption of chemical imbalance in the brain, resulting in serotonin deficiency.  What success SSRI's seem to have may really be the placebo effect in action.  Control groups in which placebos have been given have shown virtually the same results. Of course, this is bad news for the pharmaceuticals, who keep pumping out their propaganda across the media and offering perks to physicians.  Alas, there are even those in the FDA who have had strong links with the drug companies. One thing we do know:  while meds can be necessary for many, they all have potential side-effects that can do great harm.

Burns eschews the psych meds, favoring the cognitive approach with its advocacy of getting rid of emotional distress by adopting alternative, more positive thoughts in handling stress. It takes work to reprogram your responses, but it can be done. Cognitive therapy now dominates counseling, replacing traditional talk therapy. I agree that it can be helpful.

In the hard scenarios, something more is needed.  (Here I'm writing about anxiety, not depression.)  That something may well be meditation. In the last several months I've been trying out what's called restorative yoga, which consists of simple breathing, visualization, and meditation exercises. I'm not a champ at this kind of endeavor. I can't even say I've got the breath thing down right. Books and videos can help, but ultimately, at least initially, you need a good teacher.

Clumsy as I may be, I know that when I retreat to my sunroom hideaway, unroll my mat, and lie down, beginning with breathing from the stomach up through the nose, four seconds in, six seconds out, I sense my body unwinding from its tightness. I follow with body visualization, letting each limb "fall through" into the mat. Then I transport myself mentally into bliss, a scene that brings pleasure. For me, it's usually my wife and I walking up the steep, narrow pathway of rugged Ben Nevis, the valley below a dense green, splattered by the white wooly sheep grazing contentedly in a rolling landscape fenced by stone walls. I am there again in Scotland, that dear country of green mountains, twisting by-ways, lakes and bubbling brooks, and friendly people. I am at peace.

I follow with actual meditation, or at least the attempt, with the aid of my mantra, the psalmist's "lead me by the still waters," emptying the mind, though it keeps insisting it's the boss.  Whatever my failed attempts, I feel relaxed.

Recently I was virtually mesmerized in reading Tim Park's Teach Us to Sit Still: A Skeptic's Search for Health and Healing.  He could have been writing about me. Both of us have been profs, working with language and literature. Both of us are into the mind thing, analytical and suspicious, reserved in our allegiances.  Both of us were raised in a religious context, which we've now abandoned. Both of us have suffered the same physical ailment with its ubiquitous fall out, always there, seemingly beyond remedy.

 Parks, in his desperation, suspends his cerebral dissonance, to try meditation.  It comes hard.  It's all about breathing.  Though the mind resists emptying, Parks knows there's something to it. He attends a five day retreat.  On the fourth day, it happens. He feels the breath flow across his upper lip.  Heat radiates through his body. And the pain? There is no pain.

Of course the conscious world will bring back the pain with its culminating anxiety. You're not there in a day. But Parks knows now, though he may not understand it fully, that mind isn't separate from the body. The mind and body are one.

The seed has been sown and Parks persists, each attempt in overcoming the chattering mind becoming easier.  

Parks finds his way ultimately to permanent relief from his physical pain.

Nonetheless, as a rationalist, he still finds it paradoxical,  He's a writer with twenty books published, and on one occasion, short-listed for the Booker Award, Britain's highest award for literary achievement.  Words, after all, not only give him employ, they are the essence of what make us human.

And yet there is that world beyond words, vast and ineffable, removed from the mind's ceaseless chatter, bringing us in to touch with our full selves.  Integrated, mind and body become amalgam, and reconciliation grants equanimity.  No longer two selves, in our found wholeness comes peace transcending time and space, circumstance and pain.

Teach us to be still.

rj

When it comes to stress....

When it comes to stress management, seeing things in perspective can help you get your ducks in a row. I still stumble, but it helps when I get a tip once in a while such as in reading Peter Bergman's insightful article in a recent issue of the Harvard Business Review.

Origins of stress

Bergman points out that a lot of our stress comes from frustration, or this disconnect between expectation and result.  I'll make up some of my own examples here:


1.  You're driving through a residential neighborhood.  There are stop signs at the end of each block.  You're behind this guy who doesn't stop at any of them.  The speed limit, well- posted, says 25.  He's going at least 40.  It gets to you: why is it some people think the law's for other people?

   
2.  You thought you had a connection with someone, only to learn they've been putting you through a shedder when talking to others.

3.   You haven't heard from your kids in ages. Not the first time.  Do they give a hoot at all?

4.   It's the damned cell phone again. Expensive gadget at high monthly costs and you can't get it to work just when you need it most.

5.   You've paid all this money for a good meal, only to find you've been short-changed on both the food and the service.  

As I write, I find I'm surprised how easily the examples come to my mind of daily frustration. Doubtless, you can add your own.  

Consequences of stress

Frustration mounts up and spills over, souring relationships and potentially impacting your health, both physical and mental:  think ulcers, gastritis, hypertension, depression, etc.  According to the American Psychological Association (2010), stress can have multiple effects on your body, mood, and behavior:

Body:  headache, muscle tension, upset stomach, insomnia

Mood:  anxiety, restlessness, loss of motivation, sadness

Behavior:  overeating/under eating, anger outbursts, drug or alcohol abuse, withdrawal

Oddly, the APA misses out on the worst behavioral response of all:  suicide

Coping

In getting a handle on things, it's helpful to gain a sense of perspective.  Say something happens to you. When you can't get out of your head, then all hell can break loose. Maybe you've got something like acid reflux, diabetes, or irritable bowel syndrome. None of them is fun, but resorting to what I call comparison helps put things in perspective.

Better the reflux than the way some people languish. Try on Lou Gehrig's disease, MS, or cancer. Trade places with a paraplegic needing total care. In the news recently comes the story of the pretty Georgia girl recovering from flesh eating bacteria, resulting in multiple amputations. Haven't seen such courage in a very long time.

All over the world are those who suffer grievously and unfairly from natural disasters, famine, disease, poverty. Think Africa.  Think Bangladesh. In our own blessed nation, there are many who've lost their jobs, homes, and health coverage.  

All too often we learn of Man's cruelty to his fellows. Think of today's Syria, of whole families executed, civilians shelled daily, deliberately.

When you lie in bed at night, thinking things are awful for you, try this tactic to get out from under: What's the worst thing that could ever happen to me? Believe me, it will make your present anxieties seem small.

Here's another way you might develop a sense of perspective:  what I call the camera technique.

Ok, the moment you sense stress coming on, imagine you're outside your body, filming yourself. (In yoga, we call this kind of thing the Witness.) Fill the frame with yourself.

Now pull your camera back to fill the frame with people.

Now pull back again to include the landscape.

Then pull the camera back yet again to include the clouds.

Take the shot.

How do you find yourself in the picture now? Seeing yourself in the larger spectrum helps you downsize the seeming magnitude of your stress.  Here, you might look back at the photo that prefaces this entry to catch my meaning.

Set your lens on infinity, whether spatial or temporal. What am I in the backdrop of the stars?

Prognosis

Learning to cope, you'll discover your stress tumors shrink.  

It's then you 'll find freedom in an unfree world.

rj

We talk a lot about good health

We talk a lot about good health.  Given the increasing expense of medical care, it's understandable.  Costs seem to have no end in sight.  Mindful, health providers frequently feature free check ups to reduce future costs.  

We can do a lot to help ourselves: quit smoking; imbibe alcohol moderately, if at all; exercise; watch our weight; eat the right foods (low fat meats, lots of veggies and fruit), get a good night's sleep.

Truth is, even these good habits may not get us there.  The heart of the problem lies not in nutrition, but in daily stress.  There's plenty to go around these days, whether at work or at home.

I wasn't surprised to recently see the statistics.  According to a recent National Health Interview Survey, some 75% of us experience moderate to high stress in a given two week time frame.  In fact, stress is costing companies nearly 300 billion a year in claims, lost work days and productivity.

The American Medical Association tells us that up to 60% of all illness derives from stress.  I believe the mind and body are one.  When we're consistently stressed, our body bears the toll, whether in a weakened immune system, hypertension, or an increased acid digestive environment.  Ultimately, stress can affect our mental stability, work performance and our relationships.

But how do we lessen stress?  Here are ways that work for me.  I don't pretend I've made my way past anxiety.  But these have helped me and may help you.  

1.  Changing thoughts

I'm no guru, but anxiety, my particular consequence of stress, has been a close neighbor all too long.  I don't like its proximity, but I know it's not going to move away.  It's up to me to make the move.

I've tried medication to relieve my anxiety.  Frankly, I don't like this route and try to avoid it since every drug, even the seemingly innocuous, has its side effects like nausea, vomiting, diarrhea.  Meds often give me that hangover effect or sense of stupor.  They can lead to kidney and liver damage and, ironically, increase the anxiety for which they've been prescribed.  There is now convincing research evidence they may not work for many.  User success claims may well be due to a placebo effect. Minimal result differences exist, for example, between those treated with SSRIs (anti-depressants) and those in control groups receiving placebos.

Unfortunately, modern medicine generally treats symptoms, not causes.  I believe we find healing when we root out cause factors.  I wager that our thoughts greatly define who we are and how we feel.  If I can change my thoughts, I can  minimize my anxiety-laden emotions causing my stress.  

The good news is that we can find our way back to well-being, or wholeness of mind, body and spirit.  After all, you are what you think.

2.   Exercise

It's incredible how well our bodies function when we exercise regularly.  By exercise I mean what gets your heart pounding for a minimum 30 minutes, five times weekly.  It doesn't matter whether it's running, swimming, or the elliptical machine in your basement or at the gym.  LDL gets pushed down; HDL (the good stuff), goes higher; weight gain comes under control; blood pressure is lowered, etc. When I exercise, I feel better.

3.  Relaxation strategies

Lately  I've been turning to the East with its bottomless wisdom nurtured over centuries into a profundity often missed in our materialistic, frenzied West.  Recently, I found a book with simple yoga exercises designed for stressed people like myself.  They take only twenty minutes to do without all the twist gyrations traditionally associated with Hatha yoga, the form most practiced in the West for its physical regimen.

Yoga has its spiritual side, releasing us from everyday stresses.  When I lie on my mat and practice progressive relaxation and visualization, it helps me to divert.  When I breathe properly, that is, deeply, I can actually feel my tightened muscles relax and my mind yield to prevailing calm.  Yoga teaches me that I can transcend my worries and achieve a richer life free from angst.  Yoga frees me from reacting to the gauntlet  of pummeling circumstance. In its place comes mindfulness, the importance of living in the Now.  Through meditation, I am learning how to control my thoughts.  Detached from my anxieties, I find my worries far away, or like passing clouds in a tall sky. 

When I lie down on my mat, breathe deeply, chant my mantra, or fixation aid, my limbs  seem to have fallen through. I am become like a bird buoyed on a thermal, removed from earth, empowered for flight.

In my kindling of interest in the East I have found Qi Gong and Tai Chi buttress what Yoga does. Because of its simplicity, Qi Gong can be done in a chair. You might think of it as a take-it-with-you exercise.

As for Tai Chi, it's one of China's foremost cultural achievements.  When I think of China, I visualize multitudes of young and old, gathered in parks, invigorated by early morning coolness, anointed by the sun's first rays, shifting their balance from foot to foot, arms moving slowly, rhthmically.

4.  Music

Shakespeare tells us that music has charms to soothe the savage beast.  I would say it a more modern way: music has capacity to heal the troubled psyche.  I think of David singing psalms before troubled King Saul. While I like many kinds of music,  I prefer classical Indian music best when it comes to fostering relaxation.  Enya also is very special.

5.  Reading

I've always read a lot.  At times when I cannot sleep,  I will read.  Better than a pill, it usually works.

6.  Hobbies

Nobody should be without one.  Hobbies divert, providing a way out from stress.  They also promote the best part of ourselves, the Eros (creative) rather than the Thanatos (the negative or death element.  There are two dynamics, like laws of physics, embracing the universe and individuals: one fostering creation; the other, destruction.  One is positive; the other, negative.  Hobbies foster the right choice.  I happen to indulge in gardening and studying languages.  They've proved unstinting in their capacity to delight me and bring peace.

7.  Social

We need each other.  Get out.  Be with others.  Like many of you, I often would prefer to stay home bound, but when I do go out, I'm usually glad I went. Besides, there are dividends.  Psychology tells us that when we connect, we're happier and live longer.

8.  Humor

Again, Shakespeare rises to the occasion.  "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine."  In short, laugh and be well. I turned on the comedy channel last week when I was emotionally fidgeting.  Shakespeare was right.

9.  Good deeds.

Wordsworth, that great poet of memory, tells of how recalling his acts of kindness afforded him peace despite the varied, unceasing shocks of life.  A shy person, I'm not there yet. But I'm making effort to go out and do.  To find a cause.  To engage.  Again, Shakespeare reminds us that “Joy’s soul lies in the doing.”

10. Writing

I could have included writing under hobbies, but I wanted to give it emphasis by listing it separately.  Writing offers me catharsis for pent up emotions.  But it also becomes my act of self-discovery, my journey into self-knowledge.  Writing clarifies, helps me see patterns, staves off my too often impulsiveness for making grand, sweeping generalizations and, in being superficial, to be silly.  I'm always wiser when I reflect.

11.  Quietness

I am learning to take time out.  To take time to let go.  To take time to do nothing.  I am learning  to be quiet.  To listen. To learn.

Sociopaths among us

All murders are awful acts, but the multiple murders that took place in a Medford, NY pharmacy on Father’s Day are especially gruesome. As Suffolk police commissioner Richard Dormer put it, “This is one of the most heinous, brutal crimes we have ever encountered.” As I write, the alleged perpetrator is in police custody.

In reading about the case, I find myself rummaging into memory of my reading and actual experiences in dealing with the sociopath personality. Is David Laffer a sociopath?

In psychology, sociopaths are said to suffer from an anti-social personality disorder. In layman’s terms, we think of them as devoid of conscience. What’s scary is how many of them there are, roughly 4% of the population, or 1 of every 25 people. Making matters worse, they’re very difficult to identify.

They’re difficult to detect because they can be so charming. Laffer’s neighbors are simply dumbfounded. He seemed so friendly and kind. I was a social worker for three years, working with troubled youth. To this day, I remember two of my boys, Billy and Glenn, especially well. Billy, age 12, had this really cute mug I don’t think any mother could resist. You just had to like him, though you couldn’t ever turn your back without his getting into new mischief. He could lie like water from an open hydrant.

Glenn, age 17, was this tall, lean kid, strikingly handsome with his blue eyes and blond hair sloping down to his shoulders. Again, what a charmer! He just happened to set a school on fire back in Minneapolis.
 
Since they’re so numerous, chances are you’ve met some along the way. I suspect they gravitate to certain professions like sales, politics,and investments. History is replete with sociopaths at the top of the power pyramid, exploiting and killing, such as Hitler, Stalin, and Mao.

You hear a lot about schizophrenia and yet there are four times the number of sociopaths as there are schizophrenics, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

You’ve heard more than once about anorexia, but again there are more sociopaths than anorexics.

Did you know that there are 100 times more sociopaths than people diagnosed with colon cancer?

It’s a mistake to think these people don’t know the difference between right and wrong. They do, but it doesn’t motivate them.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV, those characterized by three of the following should be considered as manifesting an anti-social personality disorder:
 
1.  failure to conform to social norms 
2.  deceitfulness, manipulativeness
3.  impulsivity
4.  failure to plan ahead 
5.  irritability
6.  aggressiveness, reckless disregard for the safety of self or others
7.  consistent irresponsibility
8.  lack of remorse after having hurt, mistreated or stolen from another.

I think it’s still hard, even for professionals, to decipher the true sociopath, but I’m betting Laffer fits the mold. As Dr. Martha Stout tells us in her excellent The Sociopath Next Door, “Whether the victim be a frog or a person, sociopaths can kill without experiencing anguish.”
 
I think of last Sunday morning, Father’s Day, four lives snuffed out, wantonly, brutally.